Surprise!
by Lizzie12
Summary: Jack visits a parallel universe.


Surprise!  
  
Jack was bored. SG1 had been on stand-down for nearly two weeks due to both Sam and Daniel coming down with a nasty flu bug. In that time, Jack had mastered every video game in the base rec room, watched all the movies in his tape library, and had even gotten caught up with his paperwork. Now he had nothing to do, nothing, zip, zilch, nada. He couldn't even go to the infirmary and bother Daniel because Fraiser had banned him, claiming he was 'disruptive'.   
  
Jack wandered into Carter's lab. On a table, next to a large piece of alien equipment that looked like an oddly shaped mirror, was a gizmo that looked a little like a TV remote. On a whim, Jack picked up the gadget and randomly started pressing buttons. To his surprise, the alien thingy made a funny noise and seemed to reflect the room he was in.   
  
Curious, Jack poked his hand at the reflection. Apart from a small buzzing sensation, nothing happened. 'Well, that was exciting,' he thought. 'I know, I'll get Hammond to let me take Teal'c out to a movie or something, but first I'll grab some chow.' Whistling, he headed towards the commissary; rounding a corner, he bumped into someone.  
  
"Hey, watch where you're going," Jack said as he picked himself off the floor.  
  
"Why don't you watch where you're going?" demanded the other man while brushing off his uniform.  
  
Jack took a good look at the other man. To his shock, he found himself staring into his own face. The other man, obviously an impostor, had a dumbfounded expression.  
  
The two men circled each other warily.   
  
"Who are you?" Jack demanded.  
  
"Who am I? Who are you?" O'Neill snapped. "And how did you get here?"  
  
"Whadaya mean get here? I work here," Jack said.  
  
A passing airman spotted the two men and after doing a doubletake, quickly hit the alarm.  
  
By the time the security forces arrived, the men had each other in a mutual headlock. Both O'Neills were quickly hustled off to separate cells. After an extensive interrogation, it was determined that Jack had inadvertently crossed over from a parallel universe.   
  
Several hours later Jack was escorted to one of the briefing rooms. He took a seat near the door. On the other side of the table sat his counterpart.   
  
"Well, well, what are we going to do with you?" O'Neill said.  
  
"Look, sport, all I want to do is go home," Jack said. "I don't suppose you have any idea how to make that happen".  
  
"Don't worry, I'll put my second in command on the job," O'Neill said. "Smart fella, he knows everything there is to know about everything."  
  
Jack felt a gleam of hope. "Sounds like my second in command, except mine is a she," he said.   
  
"Yeah, Carter's our science guru," O'Neill said. "He'll have this alternate universe thingy settled in no time."  
  
"Carter? He? Whadaya mean he?" Jack snapped.  
  
"I mean Major Samuel Carter, USAF. That's who I mean," a puzzled O'Neill said.   
  
"Samuel!" Jack yelped. "Your Carter is a 'Samuel'?"  
  
"Your Carter is a woman?" O'Neill said incredulously.  
  
At that moment Carter strode into the room, his powerful six-foot three frame filling out his fatigues. The blue eyes were the same, as was the hair, albeit shorter than in his reality, but otherwise, this Carter was all male. Jack stared at him, speechless.   
  
"Carter, meet, uh me," O'Neill said. "Me, I mean you, this is Carter."  
  
"General Hammond explained the situation to me, sir," Carter said, his manly voice giving Jack the creeps.  
  
"Peachy. Do you have any idea what happened?" O'Neill said.  
  
"Theoretically, sir . . .," Carter began. Two hours of excruciatingly detailed scientific explanation later, both men had had enough.   
  
O'Neill brutally cut off Carter in mid-technobabble. "Carter, can ya fix this?" he asked.  
  
"I believe so, sir," Carter replied.  
  
"Good, that's all I need to know. Hey, on your way back to the lab, if you see Teal'cina, send her in here. She wouldn't want to miss this," O'Neill said with a hint of a smirk.  
  
"Teal'cina!" Jack cried in horror. "You, you mean Teal'c, don't you?"  
  
"No, I mean Teal'cina. Don't tell me she's a guy in your world too?" Jack said.  
  
"Yes," a stunned Jack said.   
  
"A male T. Actually, I can see that," O'Neill mused. "How about Danny? Does Dr. Jackson exist in your world too?"  
  
"Of course," Jack said. 'Thank god at least one member of my team is the same,' he thought.  
  
Jack and O'Neill stared at each other in silence, neither man sure of what to say. Fortunately the awkward silence was soon broken by a knock on the door.   
  
"Come in," O'Neill said.   
  
Jack gazed up at the new arrival, taking in the large, powerful woman clad in the traditional female Jaffa costume. 'She looks like Teal'c in drag,' he thought.  
  
"You desired my presence, O'Neill?" Teal'cina said, smiling fondly at Jack.  
  
"That's not O'Neill, I'M O'Neill," O'Neill said. "Take a good look T."  
  
"Two O'Neills," Teal'cina said huskily, as her eyes devoured both men.   
  
"Yep. Double your pleasure," O'Neill said, with a hint of a smirk.   
  
"I trust that this fine specimen will remain with us," she said, her voice almost purring.   
  
"Sorry T, we can't keep him, T. Carter says something nasty will happen to him if he stays here much longer," O'Neill said. "We gotta send him back to his dimension pronto."  
  
"A pity. I could have made good use of him," the Jaffa said as she gave Jack another lingering appraisal. Jack tried not to cringe.  
  
"Would that I could tarry to spend more time with this most interesting visitor, but I must leave to complete my kel-no-reem," Teal'cina said.   
  
"Isn't that cute? Teal'cina is mighty taken with you," O'Neill said after she had left the room. "Too bad you can't stick around."  
  
"You don't mean . . He, I mean she, isn't . . . attracted . . to . . to . . me . . I mean you. . .," sputtered Jack.  
  
"Yep. She's been partial to me from the moment we met in Apophis's dungeon on Chulak. I think that's the real reason she helped us escape," O'Neill said. "Sure, there was that whole Jaffa revenge thing going on, but I have my suspicions."  
  
"I'm begging ya, don't go there," Jack pleaded.  
  
"Hey, I wonder if there's a parallel universe version of us trapped in a Jaffa harem,' O'Neill said. "Think about it, some poor schlub stuck with the job of 'servicing' a bunch of Jaffazons."   
  
Jack paled. 'I really wish he hadn't said that. Now I'll never get that image out of my mind,' he thought   
  
"Anyhoo, I'm 'attached' to someone at the SGC so it's a moot point," O'Neill continued.   
  
  
  
An airman entered the room and summoned O'Neill to General Hammond's office. The men left, leaving Jack alone. After a fidgeting for a few minutes, Jack stuck his head out of the briefing room door. 'Looks just like my SGC. Good, after Samuel and Teal'cina, my nerves can't take any more. What next, Harriet Maybourne? And who at the SGC is he 'attached' to anyway?' he thought. 'If it isn't Carter it's gotta be Fraiser. Yeah, that must be who he's talking about. Huh, me and Fraiser. Well, I've always thought she was pretty good looking for a napoleonic power monger. I guess can live with that thought.'   
  
At that moment a familiar figure appeared at the end of the corridor.   
  
'It's Daniel. Thank god he looks the same,' Jack thought in relief.   
  
Daniel came closer, breaking into a trot at the sight of Jack. 'Wait a minute there's something different about him. Yeah, something is definitely wrong here,' Jack thought as he look at Daniel's longish hair and bulging abdomen. 'That almost looks like. . . no, it can't be. No way. No freakin' way. This is SO not happening.'  
  
Danielle waddled up to Jack. Beaming, she said "Honey, I have wonderful news! Janet says we're having twins!"  
  
Jack hit the ground with a thud.  
  
The End. 


End file.
